One Man's Window

Today, I stood as part of a gathered crowd at 11 am on the 11 th day of the 11 th month and paused for a moment's silence. To many of you, this may not seem like a big deal, but to me, it was huge. Before last year, I had never attended a Remembrance Day ceremony. The day, quite frankly meant little. It was an anniversary of an armistice that Ireland had seemingly forgot, from a conflict that Ireland seemed to pretend hadn't happened. The Great War is overshadowed in our history books. Civil War had threatened in Ireland from 1912 through 1914. There was a rebellion in 1916. Our War of Independence began in January 1919. Commemorating the dead of World War I flies in the face of Irish Republican history. World War II is referred to in hushed tones as "the Emergency". Even last year, I did not wear a poppy. For me, it was part of the symbolism of the British army. A proud force, whose people take great pride in it and what it represents. To Irish people

As those of you who know me well enough know, I'm not a huge fan of gardening. And by not a huge fan, I mean I have about as much interest in nurturing plants and shrubs as I do in contracting Cholera. So you can imagine my reactions when Leigh-Ann declared last Christmas that she was applying for a community plot. Without going into the ins-and-outs of how and where we applied, but let's just leave it at: We got a plot. As it transpired, the plot is attached to my workplace, and as such, I have spent a reasonable amount of time, be it after work or during my lunch-break. I do what I can. Basically, I water it and try to not to touch anything that I know nothing about. Which is everything. And I mean everything. I've been telling Leigh-Ann for weeks that our Bean plants haven't been sprouting beans. Sure, they've got a lot of leafs, but no beans that I can see. She came down to the plot this last Thursday, for the first time in about a week. And harvested a good 7lb

It's fair to say that I kept reasonably quiet on here since the World Cup kicked off on June 11. The two happenings are entirely related, there's no need to look too deeply into the matter. Needless to say that between work, watching football and playing soccer, I was too busy to write. Which is a shame, because there are various things which I said would happen that did. And I wish I'd let the Interweb world know because then I'd have a written record of it which nobody could dispute. But oh well. Anyways, the point of this whole posting is that following a long month of watching the Beautiful Game , I began to wonder if it actually is beautiful anymore. The World Cup didn't so much highlight the great aspects of the sport, as it did emphasise the annoying ones. So, Mister Blatter and Monsieur Platini, here's my list of Shit That Needs Sorted Before 2014 : 1. Goalline Technology I genuinely do not care what you decide to do with this, just make a decision and s

I know we've had some differences in the past. Wim Kieft shafted us badly some 22 years ago in Gelsenkirchin and sent you on your way to Euro glory. But I'll forgive you that. I'll forgive you all that, and the Maastricht Treaty as well. I'll even forgive you the fact that you have 2 names for your country, neither of which sound anything like each other and are slightly confusing to foreigners. I'll forgive the whole William of Orange thing as well. I'm sure that wasn't on purpose. And while we're on the subject, I'll even overlook the fact that you swear allegiance to the King of Spain in your national anthem. Or that you, at the very least, imply such allegiance. We'll pass by the whole wooden shoes thing. And the windmills. A country that flat can't really be relying on hydroelectricity for power, after all. Wind will have to do. The tulips? Okay, we'll move swiftly on. If that's how you float your boat, go for it. You see, tomorr

What. The. F*ck? This is supposed to be Canada. A country synonymous with snow. Where the National Sport is Ice Hockey. Ice Hockey. Where Polar Bears roam the lands. And where Penguins would join them. If it weren't for geographical restraints. This has been blatant false advertising folks. Don't let them fool you, Canada is a tropical country! I'm literally melting from the heat. It's been a week now of 28C+ weather, and I haven't so much survived as existed. The worst part is, this is still technically SPRING!!! It's going to get hotter. People are taking great pleasure in telling me as much, anyways. As much as I asked how people didn't travel south in the Winter, I'm can't quite fathom how they didn't travel north in the Summer. Seriously people, give me a snow flurry any day of the week. . . . And now, because it's too hot to think, which is needed to write, that is all.

Today, Monday May 24th, I turn 10,000 days old. It's true that boredom leads to such discoveries, but I still feel like that was 5 minutes well wasted. Anyways, in honour of this momentous occasion, I've decide to share with you some of the priceless lessons life has taught me. Use this wisdom wisely, for I did not come by all of it easy! - sneezing into an air vent is not a good idea. - badgers break bumpers. - if it seems too good to be true, it is. but try it anyways. - football fandom brings more heartache than reward. if it doesn't, it's not true fandom. - trust your 7 iron. - find yourself a scapegoat. make sure you're not somebody else's. - ignore peer pressure. don't give a fuck about what that ponce with the hairdo thinks about you because you'll all look back in fifteen years and cringe anyways. - women are a mystery. be that through their own mysteriousness, or my idiocy, they shall remain so. - toilet breaks on road trips are directly related

Again I find myself beginning this blog with a familiar apology. I'm sorry I haven't been more active here. I know you're all starving for a 5 minute read, be it sub-par, ill-conceived or just downright tripe. Regardless, this time I actually have a valid reason for my tardiness. This past week I had the pleasure of showing my mother and sister around Toronto, and giving them a decent insight into my new life here. While my sister has visited North America before, it was my mother's first time outside Europe, and I was keen to impress that the colonies have much to offer. Sadly, the weather wasn't entirely in our favour for the week, but while I lagged behind them, visibly withering under the demands of the Eaton Centre, they seemed to enjoy the marathon of shopping. We did get a couple of days of sun, just so some of the photos can look tropical. Their pictures from a day-trip to Niagara in particular are pretty spectacular. We didn't get to see everything I wo

I know it's been a while since I sat down at this battered old laptop of mine and spent an inordinate amount of time producing a piece of work that really shouldn't take so long. But the truth is that I've had very little to give say lately. It's not that I'm not opinionated (anyone who knows me will tell you as much), it's just that well, I don't want to express those opinions right now. Aside from steering clear of whatever socially sensitive issues that Canada may have experienced in the last couple of weeks, I've found my need to blow off steam satisfied through other means, notably football or drinking. Only that's not the whole story. Because that takes care of the big issues. It's more accurate to say that this good weather we've been experiencing has mellowed me greatly. I no longer feel the need to prattle on about the inhuman beasts who, despite being blessed with the gift of earphones, insist on inflicting their misguided music tas

I'm not going to pretend that I was entirely looking forward to St Patrick's Day. It's different on this side of the world. For one thing, you're expected to work. And by work, they mean actual work. Not sit around with a hip flask of Jameson and pre-drink. So, I did. And when I was finished, I got on the bus and fell asleep, because that's just what I do on the bus home. I woke, as per usual (I have the timing down on this, by the way), as the bus was entering it's Express part of the journey. This is really where this post originates. A guy got on the bus, clearly dressed for a party and talking - nay, pleading - with his girlfriend. Apart from the whining - "b ut I waaaannnnnnaaa . . ." - I was particularly impressed with the guilt trip that he managed to lay on her by way of "it's just like Valentines Day" , and thereby implying that while Valentines is ALL about the girl, Paddy's is a free pass for the guy to get drunk and do wha

A Wonderful Discovery! On one of my many sojourns into webland recently, I stumbled across an absolute gem. A potent reminder of a wasted youth, to be frank. But before I get to that, allow me to digress. I've always been drawn in by computer games. Always. They are an excellent form of entertainment and escapism, and I am constantly thrilled at seeing what is new in the virtual world. Admittedly, since my Xbox360 is still in Ireland, I have rather less access to it than I would prefer, but how and ever, I can still keep track to some degree. Despite what some people may think, they can be a social device through the use of multi-player options, be it on the single console or through LAN and/or Internet connections. From a young age, I can remember playing a very, very basic Golf game that ran on an old MS Dos system. It had probably no more than 4 colors available to it (green, brown, blue and purple) and a very flat renditioning of several of the world's great golfing venues.

I am a Winter Olympics virgin There, I've said it. Now can we all move on? Look, I come from a place where, quite frankly, the colder version of the games was a novelty act for those who clearly had not the tropical climes to encourage them to take on the real sports of erm . . . boxing and eh . . . middle distance running. You know, the ones Ireland could be good at every now and again. And as such, they got very little tv coverage. And as such, I cannot remember watching a single piece of a single Winter Olympics pre-dating February 2010. That's not to say I'd never heard of it. I laughed heartily when I heard that we had a Bobsleigh team at Nagano (at least, I think it was Nagano), conveniently the first games which had a sufficient time gap to include competitors influenced by Cool Runnings . Incidentally, we out-ranked Jamaica at Nagano. Go us! And I scoffed mockingly when there was talk of an open top bus parade when our Skeleton racer type-guy (who defected to us cos

So, annnywaaayyy . . . yeah, I was going to write here more often. But, fuck it . . . I'm not getting paid for this. Oral Stimulation of the genitals; Cunnilingus, Fellatio This is the definition of Oral Sex that had Merriam-Webster's English Dictionary pulled from one American school. Before we get into the Ins and Outs of the particulars of this case, I'd like to pose a general question about what is and isn't acceptable in the forms of censorship for children? Don't get me wrong, obviously, there is appropriate ages for the whole Birds and the Bees talk, but removing a tool as useful as the Dictionary from the classroom because of what some child may find therein, well . . . it boggles the mind. Children are curious creatures. They will find this shit out eventually. And it's not exactly like the above definition is in any way erotic whatsoever. Let an early teen loose in a library for 15 minutes, and they will have something far, far worse that this

New Year's I'm not normally one for New Year's celebrations. It's normally a non-event, to be honest. A clock ticks past 12, everyone gets drunk and wakes up to "start afresh" the next morning feeling like they've just gone 12 rounds with a Siberian Tiger. People are cranky. I used to take it as a sign that the new League of Ireland season was only 3 months away, or that my car was worth a few quid less. And yet, I feel strangely compelled to buy into it in 2010. You see, 2009 seemed, for the first time, to provide some direction in my life. It's the first time I've spent a whole year away from Ireland, and steps are in place to make it a permanent move. More importantly, I feel like I've put down permanent roots here in Toronto, and the beginnings of a social circle of my own. However tentative a footing these might have, I believe that this city is where my life is going to take shape and look forward to the future I may have. A