Slipping and Sliding

I am a Winter Olympics virgin

There, I've said it. Now can we all move on?

Look, I come from a place where, quite frankly, the colder version of the games was a novelty act for those who clearly had not the tropical climes to encourage them to take on the real sports of erm . . . boxing and eh . . . middle distance running. You know, the ones Ireland could be good at every now and again. And as such, they got very little tv coverage. And as such, I cannot remember watching a single piece of a single Winter Olympics pre-dating February 2010.

That's not to say I'd never heard of it. I laughed heartily when I heard that we had a Bobsleigh team at Nagano (at least, I think it was Nagano), conveniently the first games which had a sufficient time gap to include competitors influenced by Cool Runnings. Incidentally, we out-ranked Jamaica at Nagano. Go us! And I scoffed mockingly when there was talk of an open top bus parade when our Skeleton racer type-guy (who defected to us cos he couldn't get a ticket with the Brits) finished 4th in 2002. An open top bus. And no medal. See, we can do over-reaction too!

And of course, there's Lindsay Jacobellis' famous tv blooper where she pissed away a Gold medal by showing off.

But this is the first games where I've actually seen any sustained measure of the sports coverage. And it strikes me that the whole games is either about standing on a slippery surface, or going down a slidey surface.

Now, don't get me wrong, they're obviously skilled and talented and dedicated and all that other stuff that makes them athletes. But the games is, essentially, defined by slippery surfaces. Some of the time, just staying upright is the basic premise of winning a medal. For example, the Women's Snowboard Halfpipe. 12 competitors made the final. Of those, 8 had a major off in the competition, and another had a minor moment.

So, on the world's greatest stage, this sport had 75% of the field fail to do the basics and stay upright. 3 medals, won by the only 3 women to get from the top of a slippery hill to the bottom without falling on their ass.

And in one way, that comforts me. Because I know for certain, without ever having had even the slightest inclination to strap both feet to a piece of wood and go down a mountain, that I could not get down that very same course without going on my ass. I am, in one way, on a par with 75% of an Olympic Final field. Sit and think about that for a minute. If you think you're in the same position as me, it feels pretty okay, doesn't it? Only now, you're starting to get ideas. If only you could stand on said plank, you could be one of the 3! You might come home with a medal! And then what? An open top bus? No, that's only for 4th placers. It'd have to be a hovercraft of some sort. Driven by penguins.

But that's where the problems arise. Because you and I will "wipe out" doing the mundane. I suspect I'd have done significant and lasting harm to myself long before my second boot is firmly secured. These athletes cock it up trying shit that quite simply boggles my mind. I have to watch replays numerous times to fully accept that a body can twist that way and not be in pain. That that kind of propulsion can be generated and harnessed in one fluid step.

And that is why I'm loving these Games. Because, as with the Summer ones, it's full of competitors who quite simply push the envelope. And having watched them now for the last 12 days, I am in awe of them for that.

Long live the Slipping and the Sliding!