yeah . . . that thing that i meant to do . . .

So, annnywaaayyy . . . yeah, I was going to write here more often. But, fuck it . . . I'm not getting paid for this.

Oral Stimulation of the genitals; Cunnilingus, Fellatio

This is the definition of Oral Sex that had Merriam-Webster's English Dictionary pulled from one American school. Before we get into the Ins and Outs of the particulars of this case, I'd like to pose a general question about what is and isn't acceptable in the forms of censorship for children? Don't get me wrong, obviously, there is appropriate ages for the whole Birds and the Bees talk, but removing a tool as useful as the Dictionary from the classroom because of what some child may find therein, well . . . it boggles the mind. Children are curious creatures. They will find this shit out eventually. And it's not exactly like the above definition is in any way erotic whatsoever. Let an early teen loose in a library for 15 minutes, and they will have something far, far worse that this in their hands. Does this mean libraries need be closed down? And don't get me started on the potential contained in 5 minutes of unsupervised Internet access.

I suppose what I'm driving at is that just because somebody may find something they shouldn't have, is not a reason to censor. A dictionary, a collegiate dictionary, will contain these words. Surely, surely the thought that this may contain adult words and definitions would have occurred to somebody. Either the children's (read parents) sensitivites must be spared, or learning takes precedence. I vividly remember I had a Children's Dictionary in primary school. Perhaps this would be more suitable for these kids? It had pictures and everything. And I'm pretty sure if it had have had a detailed illustration of a blowjob that I wouldn't have bothered me hole buying another one.

This is the Everything's Okay Alarm . . .

Homer Simpson's classic invention (behind his make-up gun) will sound every 3 seconds as long as everything's okay. And I'm pretty sure that the one and only model to have been sold has been installed in my apartment building. So, when I arrived home and found it going off this afternoon, I wasn't exactly surprised to find that I wasn't the only person to be walking through the front doors. And the others weren't firemen. And I sat in my perfectly safe, not-on-fire apartment, with a cat that was bouncing off the walls, for the next two hours until they finally shut the damned thing off.

People Employing Terrorism for Animals, or PETA for short.

This is perhaps the most interesting story I've read in a long, long time. Basically, PETA have pulled a stunt in Canada that has seen one MP call for the case to fall under the country's anti-terror legislation. At this point, I would like to say that I do share sympathy for some animal rights causes. Battery hens are wrong (the concept, not their opinions. Not that I've previously conversed with one.), and I am appalled at the notion of a puppy farm. But PETA's approach to furthering their cause abhors me. Their whole policy revolves around telling people to not wear fur etc or else . . . And if that is not a terrorising people, then what is?

If PETA, or any activist group for that matter, object to something then the right course of action is to bring the situation to your local politician's attention. If you can do this in enough areas, with enough support, then it starts to become a political issue, and you will start to see change. You do not take a tofu pie / bucket of red paint / whatever and go single out someone who is exercising their legally and often constitutionally protected right to express / act / wear something that they have no problem with but you do. It's called being a part of a civilised society. And let's face it, (and here is where I veer wildly away from PETA philosophy) historically speaking, mankind survived in the beginning because he utilised the natural materials available to him, including animal items, and I dare say that now, in this time to be more "green", we should not abandon the very products that nature has provided.

Actually, now that I think of it, it seems to me that right now, environmentalists and animal rights peoples are on a head-on collision course. Ooh, hippies versus animal rights, now that's a brawl I'd pay to see. Actually, no I wouldn't. It would be like a drag race between a tricycle and unicycle.

Anyhoodles, that's enough for today. I will, however, leave you with one of my favourite quotes from a Blackadder episode entitled Ink and Incapability, which revolves around Dr. Ben Johnson and the writing of the first English Dictionary. Have fun!

Ben Johnson: Good sir, I hope you are not using the first dictionary to look up dirty words.

Blackadder: I wouldn't be too hopeful, that's what all the rest of them will be used for.