Wisdom (?) Shared

Today, Monday May 24th, I turn 10,000 days old. It's true that boredom leads to such discoveries, but I still feel like that was 5 minutes well wasted. Anyways, in honour of this momentous occasion, I've decide to share with you some of the priceless lessons life has taught me. Use this wisdom wisely, for I did not come by all of it easy!

- sneezing into an air vent is not a good idea.
- badgers break bumpers.
- if it seems too good to be true, it is. but try it anyways.
- football fandom brings more heartache than reward. if it doesn't, it's not true fandom.
- trust your 7 iron.
- find yourself a scapegoat. make sure you're not somebody else's.
- ignore peer pressure. don't give a fuck about what that ponce with the hairdo thinks about you because you'll all look back in fifteen years and cringe anyways.
- women are a mystery. be that through their own mysteriousness, or my idiocy, they shall remain so.
- toilet breaks on road trips are directly related not to the smallest bladder size in the car, but to that of the driver.
- the stupider a product, the more likely it is to catch on.
- some days you're the pigeon, some days you're statue. deal with it.
- remember, some of the best things you will ever eat will look like someone vomited on a molehill.
- forget about the chipmunk and get the fire extinguisher.
- toilets in Germany clog surprisingly easily. English ones are more difficult.
- don't trust a politician who doesn't wear a tie. they should all have something around their necks to facilitate a quick hanging.
- if you're gonna wear flashy boots on a football pitch, you're just increasing the chances that that stupid thing you tried to do gets noticed.
- being a good example is all good and whatnot, but being a terrible warning is so much more fun.

and finally,

enjoy yourself, you only get one shot at this so make sure it makes you smile.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 19, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    Meant to comment when i first seen this. Laughed my balls off when i read this!!! Good work dude, keep them coming!!

    ReplyDelete

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