Dear Holland,

I know we've had some differences in the past. Wim Kieft shafted us badly some 22 years ago in Gelsenkirchin and sent you on your way to Euro glory. But I'll forgive you that. I'll forgive you all that, and the Maastricht Treaty as well. I'll even forgive you the fact that you have 2 names for your country, neither of which sound anything like each other and are slightly confusing to foreigners. I'll forgive the whole William of Orange thing as well. I'm sure that wasn't on purpose. And while we're on the subject, I'll even overlook the fact that you swear allegiance to the King of Spain in your national anthem. Or that you, at the very least, imply such allegiance.

We'll pass by the whole wooden shoes thing. And the windmills. A country that flat can't really be relying on hydroelectricity for power, after all. Wind will have to do. The tulips? Okay, we'll move swiftly on. If that's how you float your boat, go for it.

You see, tomorrow, I need you to beat Spain. These Spaniards, they're getting uppity. They've already won a Euro and now think they can just follow it up with a World Cup. They've won 2 Wimbledons in a row to boot. One of their sailors knocked up Sharon Rabbitte in the Snapper. Well, not really, but that's what she told people. They discovered America and didn't leave it the fuck alone. They never give you any warning about an inquisition. People do get caught off guard.

Defeat them tomorrow, my dearest Netherlands, and you will be doing us all a favour. The world will forever be in your debt.

And I shall pocket $660.

Sincerely . . .

Comments

  1. Greg BreenJuly 11, 2010 at 8:05 AM

    All great points...Its all very well to forgive the William of Orange thing, but come on having two country names come on....!

    ReplyDelete

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