Dave the . . . Technophobe???
Let me start by saying this rant is probably going to upset a few people. If you place as much importance on why your tech-gizmo is more important than someone else's tech-gizmo as you would on why you love your child more than the neighbours, well, look away now.
I'm starting to notice something about my life lately. I'm no longer up to date on all the latest gadgets and techno-wizardry that's going on around us. This has shocked me somewhat. Well, more than somewhat, I'm deeply, deeply perturbed by it. I thought I was cool, and still (at least partly) aware of what the world was doing around me.
But then, it started to happen. A colleague at work recently announce he had just replaced a perfectly good car stereo. Why? Because he wanted one with a USB jack as he "hates CDs and is glad he doesn't have to buy the fucking things anymore". Yes, I was aware that the music industry had moved on and no longer vended their wares solely through HMV or any one of a number of high street stores.
I am also deeply aware of the existence of the iTunes store, and the predominance it has held in the downfall of the noble Compact Disc. And this is where I feel I have lost touch. I, and I choose my words carefully here, HATE Apple. I loath their very existence. And I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. Steve Jobs gives me the creeps for a start. I dismissed as a waste of time the iPod when it was first released. Sales may argue otherwise, but I feel I've yet to be proved wrong. I refuse to go anywhere near an iMac or MacBook or whatever the hell they are these days. I like my mouse with TWO buttons.
The iPhone to me is just marketing gone mad. I have a phone so people can call me. Or text me. And vice-versa. I do not need a phone to tell me which direction I'm heading in, or whether the table I'm eating off is perfectly level, or any one of the millions of other annoying and pointless apps that are out there for it. Apart from anything else, it's ruined so many good conversations because people keep whipping the fucking things out for one reason or another. The damned thing breaks if left in your pocket with something as sturdy as a set of keys and some loose change (I know a guy whose broke 8 of them). And what's more, Apple are incredibly restrictive about who gets to make apps for them. Why do people keep going back to them?
And that will bring us to the iPad. It was billed as something to "fill the gap between a laptop and a phone". I didn't know such a gap existed. Who ARE these people who felt their lives incomplete until said gap was filled? Reviews for the iPad were underwhelming, it's filled with basic technology, by industry standards, apparently, and would have trouble in a half-way competitive marketplace. And now, less than 12 months after the original was released, the iPad2 is out. It didn't even last a year before being obsolete.
What the hell? The penny dropped as to why I detest Apple so much and why their crap is flying off the shelves less than an hour ago. A good friend of mine sent me an email. It's contents have nothing to do with this particular rant of mine. Well, except from the signature line at the bottom. It read: Sent from my iPad. And that's when I realised that even though I haven't bought into the Apple phenomenon, or that I don't walk around with a "smartphone" in my pocket, I'm not the technophobe here - I just hate gimmicks. And unfortunately for all you one-button mousers out there, that is just what Apples are. A Gimmick. A Fad.
Like every status symbol, it's not enough to have an Apple if nobody else knows you have one.
And that is why I love my Dell, because it has no pretensions about it's standing in life. It's just there to do it's job.
I'm starting to notice something about my life lately. I'm no longer up to date on all the latest gadgets and techno-wizardry that's going on around us. This has shocked me somewhat. Well, more than somewhat, I'm deeply, deeply perturbed by it. I thought I was cool, and still (at least partly) aware of what the world was doing around me.
But then, it started to happen. A colleague at work recently announce he had just replaced a perfectly good car stereo. Why? Because he wanted one with a USB jack as he "hates CDs and is glad he doesn't have to buy the fucking things anymore". Yes, I was aware that the music industry had moved on and no longer vended their wares solely through HMV or any one of a number of high street stores.
I am also deeply aware of the existence of the iTunes store, and the predominance it has held in the downfall of the noble Compact Disc. And this is where I feel I have lost touch. I, and I choose my words carefully here, HATE Apple. I loath their very existence. And I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. Steve Jobs gives me the creeps for a start. I dismissed as a waste of time the iPod when it was first released. Sales may argue otherwise, but I feel I've yet to be proved wrong. I refuse to go anywhere near an iMac or MacBook or whatever the hell they are these days. I like my mouse with TWO buttons.
The iPhone to me is just marketing gone mad. I have a phone so people can call me. Or text me. And vice-versa. I do not need a phone to tell me which direction I'm heading in, or whether the table I'm eating off is perfectly level, or any one of the millions of other annoying and pointless apps that are out there for it. Apart from anything else, it's ruined so many good conversations because people keep whipping the fucking things out for one reason or another. The damned thing breaks if left in your pocket with something as sturdy as a set of keys and some loose change (I know a guy whose broke 8 of them). And what's more, Apple are incredibly restrictive about who gets to make apps for them. Why do people keep going back to them?
And that will bring us to the iPad. It was billed as something to "fill the gap between a laptop and a phone". I didn't know such a gap existed. Who ARE these people who felt their lives incomplete until said gap was filled? Reviews for the iPad were underwhelming, it's filled with basic technology, by industry standards, apparently, and would have trouble in a half-way competitive marketplace. And now, less than 12 months after the original was released, the iPad2 is out. It didn't even last a year before being obsolete.
What the hell? The penny dropped as to why I detest Apple so much and why their crap is flying off the shelves less than an hour ago. A good friend of mine sent me an email. It's contents have nothing to do with this particular rant of mine. Well, except from the signature line at the bottom. It read: Sent from my iPad. And that's when I realised that even though I haven't bought into the Apple phenomenon, or that I don't walk around with a "smartphone" in my pocket, I'm not the technophobe here - I just hate gimmicks. And unfortunately for all you one-button mousers out there, that is just what Apples are. A Gimmick. A Fad.
Like every status symbol, it's not enough to have an Apple if nobody else knows you have one.
And that is why I love my Dell, because it has no pretensions about it's standing in life. It's just there to do it's job.
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